Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Angst or at Least I Think So

Okay Big O, I've survived 34 years of pain and misery here like most of us but I am sick and tired of being your bitch. I just read somewhere that the key to success is determination and the key to determination is motivation. So, I am super motivated to move right now. I can't handle this town anymore. I am in the minority in my politics, my ethnicity (by marriage), my socio-economy, and my dislike of the local favorite sporting team.

When we moved to this little Bohemian neighborhood, I was excited. It's way more diverse than the area I grew up in, the neighbors were mostly blue collar but nice, and there seemed to be a active spirit about the place. But after this recession and the city government failing to keep promises, I am just done. There is nowhere in this city or even state that interests me and though my extended family is all here, I am frigging desperate to get out of this place.

Did I mention I hate the climate too? Now, I just need to figure out how to get out of my home and get on the road. C'mon, I gave it my best shot, now give me a break!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Today I Don't Feel So Old

The Teenager Audio Test - Can you hear this sound?

Created by Oatmeal


Meanwhile, the girls even turned away from Spongebob to ask, "Mom, what is that sound?" I think I will record it on my phone for when I need to get their attention. BAHAHAHAHAHA!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Mom Eats Young: The Thing About Sacrifice

Mom Eats Young: The Thing About Sacrifice: "Ah the Easter season. Springtime. Renewal. A time for Lent. Lent? Yes Lent, the Christian preparation for the Ressurection. I had alway..."

The Thing About Sacrifice

Ah the Easter season. Springtime. Renewal. A time for Lent. Lent? Yes Lent, the Christian preparation for the Ressurection. I had always hated Lent. It's all about sacrifice right? Jesus sacrificed his life for our sins and so therefore I have to sacrifice candy for six weeks. Seems fair right? It should be a no brainer. 


Well I am still struggling with this question. A sacrifice on any level is just so, so hard! I want to set a good example for my girls, not be too flashy about it but just let them know that I am a willing participant in this. Every year I think, this will be the year where I will give up stuff till it hurts! But when Ash Wednesday rolls around (black-smudge-on-forehead day for the uninitiated) I get caught up in the rationalization of what to do that would be appropriate. For Chrissake (pun intended) I can't go dying for anyone and yet denying myself sweets just seems weak on the scale of giving of oneself. 
On the other hand, I find it incredibly difficult to keep tabs on myself when there seems to be so many other problems in my life. I mentioned this to my husband, that maybe we should give to a charity or do some community service work instead. His response was, WE need charity lately so how were we going to give to someone else when we're struggling? He has a good point. 


Catholic guilt certainly has a hand in it. I come from a family of pretty devout Catholics but I don't recall them ever expressing the desire to do good works. Not to say that they wouldn't help a fellow out if they could, but not exactly ready to hit the soup kitchen anytime soon either. I am constantly looking for inspiration, hoping I don't have my head up my ass on the day it comes knocking at my door. So far, I think I have about a child's grasp on the whole thing. I will give up something that is enjoyable but once Easter hits, I know I can always get it back. 

I'm not sure if this is a rant or a question. I can say that if I had money to give, a hand to lend, time to spend, I certainly would. But then again, if I had all that, would it really be a sacrifice?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Bitch Slapped by the Universe

Nothing can prepare you for it. The inevitable day when your child's poo goes everywhere. I think I have officially seen it all. I've survived the up-the-back and out-the-sides jobs of thebreast milk poop. I've cleaned up the-baby-just-figured-out-how-to-undo-her-diaper poops. The sick-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-pooped-on-my-leg poop. How could I forget the potty-training-missed-the-target poo?

Tonight was a rare moment. Since we are in the early stages of potty training, I've slacked off buying diapers. Really it's probably a subconscious desires to speed up the process along paired with the fact that I like to put a little bit of pressure on myself but for whatever reason, I was down to four diapers. That would not normally be a big deal but as Murphy's Law dictates "Anything that can possibly go wrong, will."

So it stands to reason that all of the Universe working in harmony was guiding me towards the convergence of only four diapers, meets unexpected diarrhea, meets one functioning vehicle, meets husband working late. Ladies and gentlemen, I had what can only be described as a Shit Storm tonight. There were poo puddles on the carpet, the steps, and poo smears on the wall. I am out of diapers. The baby is going to sleep in the bathtub. I am going to sleep at a hotel.

The  moral of this story is: the next time you tell someone you "feel shitty" or have had a "shitty day" I beg you to really think about what you're saying. It is doubtful that you could be dealing with more shit than me.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Bad Joke

Older folks in this town think it's funny to tell this old standby:

If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes!


I am so tired of this most changeable Midwest weather. Besides the fact that I have to have both summer and winter clothes on hand at all times and have to prepare to drive in road conditions ranging from sleet to snow to rain, I think I am getting stress headaches from it. I wake up in the morning and look out the window to see a nice sunny day only to walk out into a wind chill of 15 degrees. Yesterday it was 64 and today it's 31. It is so disheartening. I am not one who believes in bundling up either. I'll just wait it out like a hermit inside my house while I play "thermostat Nazi" with my husband. "Really hon? You thought it was a better idea to crank the heater to 75 degrees rather than just put on some socks?"

And that is just winter. Wait for the summer! Blistering heat, humidity in the 90th percentile. My air conditioner runs from dawn to dusk. The grass can get so dry that they have to issue fire warnings to people who have backyard barbecues. The kind of hot where you can burn the bottoms of your feet on the sidewalks if you go barefoot. I have to slather myself with 60 proof sunblock for an afternoon out. My Grandmother tells stories of her childhood before central air when people could actually die from exposure. I ask her why she stayed?

I watch the Weather Channel with envy as they scroll cities like San Diego, Key West, Honolulu. You people make me sick. When can I come for a visit?