Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Bitch Slapped by the Universe

Nothing can prepare you for it. The inevitable day when your child's poo goes everywhere. I think I have officially seen it all. I've survived the up-the-back and out-the-sides jobs of thebreast milk poop. I've cleaned up the-baby-just-figured-out-how-to-undo-her-diaper poops. The sick-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-pooped-on-my-leg poop. How could I forget the potty-training-missed-the-target poo?

Tonight was a rare moment. Since we are in the early stages of potty training, I've slacked off buying diapers. Really it's probably a subconscious desires to speed up the process along paired with the fact that I like to put a little bit of pressure on myself but for whatever reason, I was down to four diapers. That would not normally be a big deal but as Murphy's Law dictates "Anything that can possibly go wrong, will."

So it stands to reason that all of the Universe working in harmony was guiding me towards the convergence of only four diapers, meets unexpected diarrhea, meets one functioning vehicle, meets husband working late. Ladies and gentlemen, I had what can only be described as a Shit Storm tonight. There were poo puddles on the carpet, the steps, and poo smears on the wall. I am out of diapers. The baby is going to sleep in the bathtub. I am going to sleep at a hotel.

The  moral of this story is: the next time you tell someone you "feel shitty" or have had a "shitty day" I beg you to really think about what you're saying. It is doubtful that you could be dealing with more shit than me.

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