Friday, March 4, 2011

Bad Joke

Older folks in this town think it's funny to tell this old standby:

If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes!

I am so tired of this most changeable Midwest weather. Besides the fact that I have to have both summer and winter clothes on hand at all times and have to prepare to drive in road conditions ranging from sleet to snow to rain, I think I am getting stress headaches from it. I wake up in the morning and look out the window to see a nice sunny day only to walk out into a wind chill of 15 degrees. Yesterday it was 64 and today it's 31. It is so disheartening. I am not one who believes in bundling up either. I'll just wait it out like a hermit inside my house while I play "thermostat Nazi" with my husband. "Really hon? You thought it was a better idea to crank the heater to 75 degrees rather than just put on some socks?"

And that is just winter. Wait for the summer! Blistering heat, humidity in the 90th percentile. My air conditioner runs from dawn to dusk. The grass can get so dry that they have to issue fire warnings to people who have backyard barbecues. The kind of hot where you can burn the bottoms of your feet on the sidewalks if you go barefoot. I have to slather myself with 60 proof sunblock for an afternoon out. My Grandmother tells stories of her childhood before central air when people could actually die from exposure. I ask her why she stayed?

I watch the Weather Channel with envy as they scroll cities like San Diego, Key West, Honolulu. You people make me sick. When can I come for a visit?


  1. A gentleman at my church came up with this gem: while holding an ice scraper, he declared. "I'm going to take this, and I'm going to start walking south. The first time someone says 'What's that thing?', I'm going to move there!"

  2. I can't find any fault with that!